Things I Wish I’d Known as a First-Time Therapy Client (Now That I’m a Therapist)

Starting therapy for the first time can feel a bit like walking into a movie halfway through and trying to catch up on the plot. You might feel a little unsure, a little awkward, and maybe even wonder if you are “doing it right.” The truth is, there is no right or wrong way to start therapy, and almost everyone feels a bit nervous at first.

Now that I am a therapist, I often think back to those early days as a client. I remember the self-consciousness, the overthinking, and the occasional “should I be saying this?” moment. Looking back, there are a few things I wish I had known that might have made the process a little lighter and more comfortable.

1. You Do Not Need to Have It All Figured Out

I certainly did not.

You do not need to arrive with a perfect summary of your life or a clear plan for what you want to work on. Many people begin therapy by saying, “I am not even sure where to start.” which is completely fine. I believe that my role as a therapist is to help you make sense of things and find your own direction.

2. You Cannot ‘Fail’ at Therapy

Therapy isn’t something you can pass or fail. There are no gold stars, and definitely no ‘perfect’ answers. You might cry through a session, talk nonstop, say almost nothing, or even spend most of the time laughing (which happens more often than people think). Either way, all of it counts.

Some sessions will feel full of insight and clarity, while others might feel slower or uncertain. That doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong. Growth in therapy often happens quietly, through small and steady steps rather than big leaps. Even showing up on the hard days is part of the work. Try to be kind to yourself and trust that progress takes time to unfold.

3. It Is Okay to Ask Questions

You do not have to sit quietly and nod along if something does not make sense. Ask about your therapist’s approach, what a certain term means, or the acronym (of which there are far too many. Therapy should feel like a conversation where you understand what is happening.

A central part of my practice is working to balance the power that can exist between therapist and client. While I bring training and tools, clients are the experts on their own lives. My role is to support their process, not direct it. I aim to create a collaborative space where clients feel heard, respected, and empowered to lead their own healing.

4. Feeling Emotional or Awkward Is Normal

Therapy can bring up all kinds of feelings, and that’s completely okay. Sometimes you leave a session feeling grounded and peaceful, and other times you might feel teary, tired, or just a bit out of sorts. That doesn’t mean something went wrong. Talking about things that matter can stir up emotions, especially if you’ve spent a long time keeping them tucked away.

It can help to think of therapy like stretching a muscle you haven’t used in a while. It might feel uncomfortable at first, but that discomfort is often a sign that growth is happening. Over time, it becomes easier to move through emotions with more ease and self-understanding. You don’t have to get it “right” in therapy, you just have to show up as you are.

5. The Connection Matters Most

There are many types of therapy and countless techniques, but what matters most is the relationship between you and your therapist. You should feel safe, understood, and respected in that space. The connection you build creates the foundation for trust and allows real change to take root.

When you feel genuinely seen and accepted, it becomes easier to open up and explore the deeper parts of your story. Every therapist is different, and every relationship will have its own rhythm, but that sense of connection, or the feeling that your therapist truly “gets” you, is what makes therapy work.

6. You May Not Always Find the Right Person on the First Try

Finding the right therapist can take a bit of trial and error. Therapists differ in our styles, training, lived experience, and approaches, so it can really help to think about what’s most important to you before you start your search.

When I first started therapy, I didn’t realize how much it would matter to find someone who really understood my identity and experiences. As a queer woman, it was important to me to work with a therapist who shared some of that lived experience so I didn’t feel like I had to ‘prove’ or ‘explain’ parts of myself in order to be understood. That sense of ease made it possible for me to show up more fully and focus on what I was actually there to explore.

If the first person you meet doesn’t feel like a good fit, that’s totally okay. Therapy works best when you feel comfortable and seen. Many therapists offer free consultations, which can be a great way to get a feel for the fit before deciding. Taking your time to find someone who feels right can make all the difference.

7. Healing Takes Time and That Is Normal

Progress is rarely a straight line. Some weeks you might feel like everything is clicking, and other weeks it can seem like you’re moving backward. That’s all part of the process. Healing often happens in small, quiet ways that are easy to overlook while you’re in it. Sometimes the biggest changes show up in the moments that seem ordinary, like responding differently to a situation that used to throw you off or being a little kinder to yourself when things go wrong.

Therapy is not about “fixing” yourself but about understanding and caring for yourself differently. It takes patience, curiosity, and a willingness to keep showing up, even when it feels slow. Over time, those small shifts start to build into something stronger and more steady.

A Few Final Thoughts

Starting therapy is a brave and caring choice. You do not need to have everything ‘together’ every session or know exactly what you want to say, you just need to show up, be yourself, and be willing to explore. Therapy is a space where you can be real, curious, and human, and it can hold both laughter and tears.

If you are thinking about beginning therapy, I would be happy to connect and talk about what that might look like. Whether this is your first time or you are returning after a break, reaching out for support is something to be proud of.